A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. This new element has been tentatively named "Pentagonium."
Pentagonium has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 111 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by a force called morons, which is surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Pentagonium has no electrons, it is inert.
However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Pentagonium causes one reaction to take over 4 days to complete when it would normally take less than a second.
Pentagonium has a normal half-life of 3 years; it does not decay but instead undergoes a reorganization, in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons and assistant deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Pentagonium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization causes some morons to become neutrons forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to speculate that Pentagonium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "Critical Morass."
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